Encounters of a Smelly Kind

Hiya Dogs and Happy Canada Day!

You'll never guess what happened to me the other night. It was around midnight, and all was quiet in the household. Suddenly, I sensed that something, or someone, was outside in the yard! My fur stood on end (well, not really, but it sounds good for storytelling purposes), and I growled inquisitively in the hopes of rousing Karen from her apparently very deep slumber.

Finally, after an eternity, she woke up and somehow I convinced her that I needed to go pee. It really took a long time, not like with the monkey who just gets up as soon as I make a sound.

So I got out into the backyard, stretched, squirted out a couple obligatory drops so as not to blow my cover, and then I saw her. She was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, black as ebony with bright eyes and a big bushy tail, and a milky white stripe down her back. I couldn't quite get to her, as she was on the other side of the fence in the front yard, but I could see her like a vision through the gate.

She spoke to me in a deep, sultry voice with a heavy accent. "Com clozure, my deerrh," she purred, "lett mee gett a goot hloook atthue." I drew nearer to her, in a trance like state, and as I lowered my head to get a better sniffing angle, suddenly without warning the most glorious smell filled the air, and I nearly lost consciousness. In my ecstatic delerium I heard her say, before she departed oh so mysteriously, "Zee gayme ov lov iz neh-verrh calde on akkount ov darrhkniss!"

"What is your name?" I slurred, wanting to know more about this beautiful, intoxicatingly odiferous creature. But she was gone.

Back inside the house, still reeling from my encounter, I was greeted by a stern Karen who for some reason, even though it was after midnight, marched me upstairs and put me right in the bath! Can you believe it? Talk about the cold shower effect.

But between you and me, even though Karen did not approve, I still imagine the velvet footed, black and white maiden and wish she and her rapturous perfume would return.

The Gaffer